Loss of Sensation
by Koware ta
Summary: Tenten faces the hardest part of losing her friend. The realization that he was more than a friend. Tenten/Neji


Loss of Sensation

* * *

Today was important. Today was very important and yet she was late. She rushed quickly down the streets of Konoha. Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking. She couldn't stop them from shaking, even as she tried to fix the left side of her hair into a bun.

Hurry, she had to hurry.

Her feet hurt from the tight shoes she never wore and her skin itched from the dress she wore. She was still injured but she didn't feel any of the pain today. None of her wounds hurt at all. She was just uncomfortable from the unfamiliar clothes. When she finished her left side she started working on the right side of her head. Still her hands shook and her heart was beating erratic. The thumping against her ribs was loud.

She could barely get the hair into a passable bun.

She glanced up at the sky as she hurried. It was very cloudy and she thought it would rain. She hoped it would. She hoped that the sky would cry today. It would be perfect for today.

There wasn't any reason to be happy today.

She passed by some of the villagers that were not attending. They whispered to themselves about things that shouldn't have been spoken about. Hurtful words that she could not take into consideration. It was not about her but it still hurt.

Their words stabbed at her like heated kunai to the heart.

She realized that it was almost time for it to begin and so she began to run. She couldn't be late for the funeral. She couldn't be late for their funeral…for his funeral.

What would he have thought if she was?

"Tenten…" she heard someone calling her and barely stopped. She only slowed down and looked behind herself. Lee was catching up to her. It was weird for him to be late, but then again it was odd for her as well. He said nothing after calling her just speeding up to match her pace. He looked tired and his eyes were red, slight puffy as if… She didn't dwell on it.

She already knew why.

As they continued forward she could feel her heart swell. It was painful and felt like it was ready to burst out of her chest. She swallowed over and over trying to stop the pain from building. She had to be in control today.

Her throat was tight and she couldn't properly breathe. She ignored it because today she was in control.

The funeral was a mass funeral for all those that had given their life to protect everyone…to save the world. It was honorable and almost all of Konoha's inhabitant would be there. It was going to be the best sendoff they could give for the one they lost.

The cemetery was full of people. So many were there to pay their respects and it was good that their dead were honored.

Tenten and Lee made it there before the funeral started. Tenten hurried pass many people she knew like Kakashi, Guy, Sakura, and even Naruto. She found a spot and stood with everyone else as the eulogy was given. It was beautiful like everything else and yet she couldn't feel anything for the words spoken.

She could hear people crying, but she wasn't. Her eyes were dry and her mind was clear. She was in control and when she felt nothing it was better that way. She had to be strong. She had to be what everyone else wasn't.

Strength would protect her…protect her from herself.

The names of the fallen soliders were read off one by one. Some of them she didn't know and some of them she did, but she still didn't feel anything.

There was a loss of sensation was growing. It was spreading like a disease and consuming her body, but it was fine because the numbness would keep her strong.

Even as his name was called there was nothing. She felt nothing. As if the swelling in her heart had abated but her throat was tightening and her skin clammy.

Lee sudden broken down into tears. His crying should have pulled at her heart but instead she felt nothing. Guy was by his side with his hand on the teenager's shoulder, but Tenten didn't look to see any of it. She just knew that the Jounin was there trying to console the young man.

All around her there were people crying and yet she felt cold inside. There was nothing inside even as the rain fell from the sky. The water was cold and she shivered a little but her mind didn't register that she was cold. She didn't feel the cold rain at all.

There was a void in her and it was growing larger by the minute. She kept seeing him lying there so peaceful and quiet. She didn't touch him. She didn't do anything. She just stood there. She didn't say goodbye. She didn't…say-

"Tenten…"

Someone was talking to her but she couldn't comprehend. Her mind was shutting down and the swelling in her heart was back and agonizing. Her lips trembled and her legs felt weak.

She could feel it breaking. A glass heart shattering across the floor, it was her glass heart.

She hadn't even realized the funeral had ended until everyone was starting to leave. She followed like a drone not really thinking about her actions. Her body carried her without her knowledge.

They had been together so long… They had fought together and trained together. They had ate and laughed together. He had saved her and she had done the same. He made her smile. He understood her. He was…He was her comrades and friend… and she had lo-

She ran away from the crowd as her thoughts and emotions started to clash. She could hear someone calling after her but she didn't stop running until she was home. She didn't stop moving until she was safe from all the prying eyes.

When did it become so clear to her?

Why?

Why!

Why did it have to be so clear to her now…so transparent?

She rushed into her small apartment and slammed the door behind her. Her hands shook and her knees knocked. Her body shuddered and her throat constricted tighter than before. She leaned heavily upon her door. Her breaths were becoming labored and forced. Her mind was chasing down every memory of him, gathering them together to play a story out for her. One she hadn't ever realized was there.

No…she knew.

She had ignored for her own pride and fears…

Neji was…he was important to her. He was special to her, but she never took the time to sort out those thoughts. She never took the time to understand the butterflies in her stomach or the blush she hid. She never did any of that and now it was all lain out in front of her, a puzzle that she had refuse to solve.

She had feared her own feelings because if she acknowledged them, then they became real. If they became real…how could she have continued as just a friend.

Her heart was in excruciating pain as she finally realized something that hurt so much more than losing him. She tried pushing herself forward so she could move but suddenly her legs gave out and she fell roughly on to her knees.

It was as if the fall had brought back all the sensation back to her heart. It was more pain than she had ever experience.

"Ouch…" her voice shook as she sat on her knees. Her breathe became caught in her throat. "It…hurts…I hurt myself…I-I"

She felt like a child that had just fallen down but she had no one there to hold her and tell her it would be okay. There was no there. He wasn't there…he was there anymore. He wasn't anywhere anymore and that thought was when reality crushed her.

It started as a low sound that emitted from her that grew into a crescendo until her heart finally burst. She started to weep inconsolably. Her hand covered her eyes in shame as she cried.

"N-neji…Neji!" she wailed loudly not caring anymore. She began to scream and beat her fist against the floor in anger and rage because she didn't know how to deal with her emotions. They were pulling her in so many directions that she didn't know what to do anymore. In the end her heart had broken and she could only blame herself.

She had been in love with Neji and now she could never tell him. She had been afraid of her own feelings and she feared his rejection more than anything.

Her screams broke down into uncontrollable sobbing. Her tear were hot to her skin and her heart was beating painfully in her chest. Her body violent shook and she sunk further down to the floor, until her face was on the wood floor of her entrance hall.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She sobbed loudly into the silence of her apartment. "Please forgive me. Please…please! I'm so so sorry."

Tenten cried for hours off and on until she had no more tears. She was numb again. This was different because she felt nothing at all. She was shattered. Her cheek was against the wood floor and her body at the mercy of involuntary spasms. She stared at the base boards of her walls wondering when she had last cleaned them.

They were so dirty. She should really clean them more often, she thought to herself. A bitter and borderline hysterical laugh emitted from her.

This was her thoughts when she had just realized her own feelings. This was her thoughts when Neji was dead. This was her thoughts when she had wasted so many opportunities. This was her when she was broken and sad… thinking about base boards.

She was thinking about something so insignificant and yet it was better than thinking about the truth. It was better than drowning again in mental agony. It was better than anything at that moment, but in the end her eyes filled with tears again. This time she didn't yell or scream. She didn't beat her fist against the floor and she didn't sob loudly.

She lied immobile on the floor with tears leaking out of her eyes. The only sound was her gasps for air every once in a while. It was still raining and she heard someone on the other side of her door calling her name. It was Lee but she didn't want to talk. She didn't want to do anything anymore.

It became quiet when Lee left her door and she didn't know how long she been lying on the floor but she couldn't feel her legs and she couldn't care less. She was tired. She was so very tired of everything, so tired of the fighting and the death. She was tired of the hate and the hurtful words, tired of living in a world so broken.

"Please let it stop. Please make it stop. I can't-I can't take it. I-I" Her sobs cut her words off and she found herself crying again even if she had no tears. She could stop the noises that came from her. She was hurt and she didn't know how to make the pain go away. So she cried and cried until the sun had set and everyone was sleep.

It was then that she tried to stand, but failed. She fell back down because her legs were numb. She needed to stretch them out but she couldn't or she just didn't feel like it. She ended up lying back down on her floor, staring at her base boards with blurry eyes and tears leaking endlessly down her cheeks. She had given up on everything and even if she knew it was selfish she couldn't help. She couldn't' help the helplessness she felt and the hopelessness that was growing inside.

Why go on…

_Tenten…you're strong than this._

"I'm sorry…" she cried out lowly. "I'm so sorry…"

_Why?_

"Because… I-I didn't tell you…I needed to tell you- I needed to tell you that I-I needed you… T-that I- I love you. I wanted to but…but-" her voice cracked as she spoken. She was trying her best to tell him. She was trying her best to make him understand. There were arms wrapped around her waist pulling her back against a strong chest and it only made her want to cry until she died. She wanted so badly to just stop moving…to stop living.

_Tenten…I've always known. Always._

"I loved you…I did. I was afraid I was so afraid. I loved you! I really did- I still do!" she cried out finally saying what she wanted to say. Screaming out what she needed to say. She finally admitted to herself and in some way maybe to him. She opened her eyes she hadn't realized had closed. He wasn't there anymore or maybe he never was. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her.

She just didn't know, but she felt a weight lifted from her heart. She could breathe again. She could feel again.

She wasn't better.

No.

She hurt more.

She was at the bottom and now she had to climb back up if she wanted to ever be herself again. She crawled from her front door to her room. She dragged herself into her bed and curled up under the covers. Tomorrow would be a new day and her heart would still be broken. She knew that. She understood that the pain would be there tomorrow and the day after that too. She just had to pick up the pieces, one piece at a time until she was whole again.

One piece at a time until Tenten was Tenten once more.

As she faded into unconsciousness from sheer mental fatigue, she could hear his voice. It was a whisper against her heart and soul. A soothing touch to her wounded heart and a push to move her forward.

_Tenten…be strong._

* * *

AN: I don't normally post my Naruto fanfic but when I do… jk

Actually, I was well prepare for Neji's death thanks to the manga, but when it happen in the anime…I just couldn't stop myself from writing this. This is a one-shot at the moment but if people liked I'll write the second part to give it a happy ending. Unless everyone likes it the way it is.

My phantom Neji seems out of character. Oops.

The hurtful thing people say part; well that's more of my take on the aftermath of the war. Most people would see Naruto and crew as heroes, while some people would blame them. No doubt some people would have wanted to live in Madara's idealistic world. So of course those people would want to blame other and make it seem as if it their fault for not surrendering. Idk that's just how I see it.

Review if you want.


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